|/\/\/\/| Meet the Dipshits! |\/\/\/\|
HAHAHA! That's right fools! It is I! The great and glorious Maddox! A.K.A., the guy who made the website you're on right now! Now I know what you're thinking. Maddox, why the fuck do you look like that? What disease do you have? Is it Super Jaundice? And no, its not that, actually. I am an Alien! Here to conquer your garbage dump of a planet! I think. Well, I think I was supposed to. I got kinda really super sidetracked. But I mean, it's not like anything bad has come from me not conquering your planet yet, so I might as well keep having my fun, right? Oh, my shirt? Well it's actually battle armor, but everyone makes that mistake. The X is a highly respected symbol where I come from, actually. Well, I assume so, at least. I was actually sent here when I was first born, so I don't know anything about my own world. They must have seen a very promising soldier in me from the minute I was born! HA! (P.S., to any cute guys out there, I'm single, and very willing to experiment~)
Race: Tawnerian Sexuality: Super Gay Job: None. Absolute bum.
Likes: Men, Myself, My son sometimes, Being evil, Yo-Kai, The color red, Rats
Dislikes:Women, Thunder, Dentists, People I don't know inside and out
Ok don't let the fact that I have a kid turn you off, technically he's not even mine! He just uh, kinda crash landed in the junkyard I live in and hatched before I could deal with it. Yeah, hatched. From an egg, or, a rock. Meteor. I only kept him because he was red, ok?! But y'know what, it's actually not all that bad. He reminds me of myself in all honesty. Wretched, malicious, absolutely utterly pure evil. That's my boy!
Race: ??? Age: Baby Favorite Food: Bapple Sauce
Likes: Candy, Friends, Terrorism, Me(cries a lil)
Dislikes: Vegetables, The 1%, the Monster under the bed, EXODUS
It's not just me and my son around here, though, and you should be glad. You'd get tired of me real quick. I've got a bunch of human friends, and Keith is one of 'em. Compared to everyone else here, who get normal amounts of angry, Keith gets a lot amounts of angry. That's probably why he smokes so much weed, because it relaxes him. Or he just wanted to abuse a substance and that just happened to be the one he landed on. When I first met him, I wondered how he got that big scar on his face. I still do, because he's never explained it. Probably because I've never asked. I mean, would you go up to some twitchy guy with anger issues and ask him how he got the big gash on his face? No! That's a horrible idea! So I'll just make something up about it. Umm...Pirates! No...uhh...Lasers! Nah...From a battle with a Keith from an alternate dimension? Yeah, that's it. That's what happened, I'm sure of it.
Race: ist Sexuality: Definitely 100% straight High: Most likely yes.
Likes: Building contraptions, getting high, driving real fast, violence
Dislikes: Losing games, being sober, being called gay, Eustice
This old guy is basically my Dad. He's basically dadding everyone in the group and it shows. But he's got it all! Divorce papers, a so-called "Bitch Ex," and an overall depressing aura! He's usually the one holding the shared group braincell, which I say we should split 1/6th each but apparently that ain't how it works. He's also the only other guy besides me who'll draw things, which sucks because it means more work for me. I had to draw every guy you're seeing right now, and what's worse is, I had to put in effort. Ugh! But I doubt Jack would draw things for me anyways, because he's real tired of my bullshit, and apparently I suck to draw. But I think he's lying, so I challenge you, the reader, to decide. Go on, draw me right now! Do it! I'm not asking!
Race: Just a guy Marital Status: Divorced Homeless: Apparently not???
Likes: Drawing big buff men, seeing his kids on the weekends, Scooby-Dog
Dislikes: All of us, His bitch ex wife, Being called homeless
Oh Eustice. Where would we be without you? Who can say for sure? Keith would probably be a lot happier, for one. And every comic business would suddenly go bankrupt. And crime in the city would increase exponentially due to BatEustice being nowhere to be found, but I'm sure that that is completely unrelated from yourself. I would call him a huge nerd, but he takes that as a compliment, so we'll call him a Gyukschunkerhongalmoid instead. I don't know what that means, don't ask me, but it's definitely a real word. It's Tawnerian, yeah. Anyways, funny story about Eustice, this one time, we were out at an arcade, and Jack won the big prize on one of those impossible to win games, and there was this guy trying to hook up with this other chick, and it was going pretty good, until Eustice runs over yelling about how Jack won the grand prize, and then runs away, completely killing the mood, along with that guy's chances of having kids anytime soon. God bless you, Eustice.
Race: Big Nerd Comics Owned: Too many Is he BatEustice?: No, you fucki-
Likes: Superheroes, Food, Video games, talking about aforementioned likes
Dislikes: Keith, "Healthy" eating, His younger brother, Saying he's BatEustice (he's not)
Ok before I say anything about him, he's just super white. But he might be a vampire. You should see the way this guy usually dresses. He casually walks around in a top hat and cape, and I swear I've seen him bite people for it. Everyone else in the group tells him to stop, but between you and me, dear reader, I just think they're all vampires, and they're worried that Lincoln's gonna expose them. He even talks like he's from vampire times, but he hasn't done the dracula laugh yet, but I'm keeping an ear out. There's just one thing I don't get though. I thought vampires only need blood to survive, but this guy eats more than any person I've ever encountered on this planet. No like seriously, I'm talking Scooby-Doo ass shenanigans going on here, it's honestly unholy. So to conclude, he's that white because he's a vampire. Even though I've seen him outside in the day. He came from the Sun. He's a Sun Vampire.
Race: Maybe a Sun Vampire Daily Caloric Intake: You serious? Nostalgia: Criticized
Likes: 19th century clothing, being a, "Media Snob" of sorts, Dark places, Food
Dislikes: Crosses, Europe, Middle aged people with the last name "Belmont"
Calvin's...A little different from the rest of us. As opposed to everyone else who I met naturally, Calvin was sent to hunt me down by the fucking government, who wants my guts spilled out for all to see! Why? Because they're about as violent as Tawnerians for some fucking reason! Ok maybe a little less, maybe a LOT less, but still, the comparison is there. Anyways, back to this guy. He was sent out to kill my ass to death, but unfortunately for the chodes in the government, real recognizes real. We got along just fine, the both of us being absolute freaks, and everyone else accepted him, for two big reasons. His left and right arms. I don't know if you've noticed yet, but he's fucking BUILT. When we first encountered him, he busted through Jack's wall, grabbed me by my gangly noodle neck and just left. I mean, no one was gonna stop him! The friend group is 3 fat guys and a crackhead, they weren't beating the Tank from Left4Dead! But everything turned out ok in the end, and bones are all the better for it.
Race: Muscles Weak Point: None Your death: Imminent
Likes: Murder, Doom, Meat, Brimstone, Hellfire, His kitty
Dislikes: Nightmare Fredbear, The Government, Sanity